Where in your life is an old habit or subconscious belief holding you hostage to a life that is constricting, painful, inauthentic, or unfulfilling? Where do you feel squeezed into too-smallness?
Maybe you accept being treated in ways that aren’t respectful of your dignity, time, talents or worth. I often tell my clients that you have to train others how to treat you. Otherwise, people treat you how you accept being treated. If you don’t insist on being treated in ways that honor and respect you, you will feel undervalued and eventually (if you’re not already) grow resentful, frustrated and angry.
Perhaps you don’t pursue your heartfelt dreams and desires. This often stems from somewhere in your life when someone told you that you weren’t suited to that dream or career, or that you weren’t smart enough, or that you were being selfish, or that it was a dumb idea. Over time, you came to believe (subconsciously, perhaps) that you weren’t smart enough, talented enough, (fill in the blank) enough. Or, you bought into scarcity thinking that you didn’t have what it took in the form of resources. If you pursued your dreams it meant others would go without.
Your dreams are your soul’s expression of your purpose. Your dreams are meant to be fulfilled BY YOU (otherwise they would be someone else’s dreams and not yours), so until you birth them into life they will haunt your dreams, cause profound heartache, and fester in your subconscious as feelings of unrest and dissatisfaction, perhaps even depression. They will cause you to feel stuck, frustrated and deeply unfulfilled.
Maybe you do too much. You find yourself being super mom, super wife, super cook and party hostess, super career woman, super daughter, super friend and super sister. Aren’t you exhausted? Overdoing stems from the subconscious belief that you are not enough. You overcompensate by achieving or accomplishing so that you can assuage the inner feeling that you’re not enough. “Where did this belief come from,” you ask?At some point in your life, someone – perhaps a parent, teacher or relative – treated you in such a way that you perceived the treatment received was because you weren’t enough, or that you weren’t good enough. So you went into overdrive to try to prove your worth and value.
The problem is that the emptiness and feeling of not enough never gets filled by external accomplishments or achievements. It doesn’t matter what a great mom you are, how much you volunteer or how many committees or boards you sit on. It doesn’t matter whether you are an executive who works 80 hours a week and earns a significant income, or a prolific author or artist. If the achievements or accomplishments are driven from an internal need to prove your value or worth you will feel empty and ‘not enough’ until you heal the subconscious belief.
Your value isn’t based on anything that you do, produce or achieve. Your value is inherent. You are a soul having a human experience, a unique facet of consciousness, and there are no yardsticks in the entire universe designed to measure that.
You have the right to pour your love in the form of time, energy into resources into your passion and purpose instead of trying to fulfill everyone’s expectations. No one person is meant to do it all, and if you don’t address the subconscious belief that you’re not enough you will eventually burn out from sheer exhaustion, or worse.
As a teacher of spiritual principles I often share with clients and friends that we grow when we meet and overcome our internal and external obstacles. Because I am committed to my own personal and spiritual growth I am a far more effective teacher, spiritual coach & counselor and integrative healer.
I have become a teacher of spiritual principles, not because I’m more ‘spiritual’ than others, but because I do the work that’s in front of me. I face my challenges, allowing them to burn away everything that doesn’t serve me. Transformed, I emerge with greater strength, courage, compassion, wisdom and grace than before. And, it gives my clients greater trust and confidence in my ability to hold space for their growth and transformation, knowing that I don’t just talk the talk – I walk the walk.
I recently identified something in my own life that’s been holding me back in many ways. I share this with you to illustrate how doing your inner work will facilitate your growth and and profoundly transform your life.
My scary challenge
I’ve been practicing a new skill that at first was incredibly difficult for me, terrifying, in fact. And to be honest, there’s not much that scares me. In fact, if I do feel afraid of something I almost always force myself to do it, simply because I know that the experience will help me overcome fear and I will grow as a result.
I’ve managed to get to my mid-forties having evaded asking others for help. The back story that created the intense aversion to asking for help isn’t important. What is important are the gifts gleaned from being so independent:
– I learned to trust myself
– I developed tremendous resourcefulness
– I learned new skills that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise
– I learned that I’m capable, confident, strong, and intelligent
There’s a gift in every challenge we face, so not asking others for help provided me numerous opportunities to cultivate an amazing array of skills, talents & abilities in many areas of my life that I wouldn’t have developed otherwise. You’ve heard the phrase “jack of all trades.” Well, I became a real life “jill of many trades.”
But the price of my independence was high
Because I wouldn’t let myself be vulnerable or ask for help I did myself (and everyone in my life) a huge disservice. I deprived myself of feeling supported by others, which made the times when I did want or need help incredibly stressful, lonely and sometimes financially expensive. On the flip side of the coin I deprived others of the opportunity to assist, support and love me.
Opportunity for course correction
To be completely transparent with you, I had one of those smack-me-in-the-forehead, wake-up realizations a few weeks ago. You know, the kind where it’s kind of like seeing your life before your eyes and you see patterns you didn’t see before. I like to think I was being given a preview of the future if I kept going in the same direction, and that my soul was giving me the opportunity to course correct, because I didn’t like what I saw.
I saw that if I continued living my life that way I would end up alone somewhere down the line, wanting and possibly needing help, but not in a position to receive it because I had managed (in my vision anyway) to push everyone away. You know, sooner or later, when people don’t feel wanted or needed they go where they ARE wanted or needed.
I saw that it was time to make some changes in my life, starting with allowing myself to be vulnerable to others and asking for (and receiving) their help. So I did exactly that. Knees knocking and throat tight, palms kinda sweaty and heart beating like it was going to fly out of my chest with fear that my requests would be met with humiliation, rejection, shame, or possibly something worse I asked two people for letters of recommendation. I would have asked a third, but she offered before I could ask. Relieved and overjoyed that I asked, and my requests weren’t rejected but validated, I let the feeling of accomplishment settle into my heart and expand – my heart got absolutely HUGE!
This gave me confidence to ask again, so I did exactly that. I’m having outpatient surgery tomorrow, and in the past I would have hired a Lyft or called a Taxi instead of asking for help. Yet, my vision of the potential very lonely future prompted me forward, and I asked for rides to and from surgery. Emboldened, I also asked for blessings and healing energy. And…I asked a friend to come to my house and cook breakfast for me a few days afterward. And you know what? I was met with an incredible outpouring of grace, love, compassion, kindness, gentleness and ‘yeses,’ and “What else do you need?” everywhere I turned.
What I am learning from this experience is that just because I’m a coach, counselor and healer it’s OK for me to be vulnerable and put myself in a position of needing and accepting help from others. I learned that I am safe asking for help. I am safe relying on others. I’m no longer the young child who was made to feel humiliation, shame, undeserving or selfish by putting herself in a position of vulnerability. Now, when someone says “No, it’s simply because they aren’t available or don’t have the resources to fulfill my request. But, their “No” is not attached to my value or worth. I also learned that I have far more resources than I previously thought, in the form of beautiful soul friends who love and support me, and are incredibly generous with their time, talents and resources.
Most amazingly, I discovered that asking for help was directly tied to my finances. Prior to asking for help I experience receiving money as effortful. It was like I always had to work really hard to receive money, because if I worked really hard then subconsciously I deserved it. Silly, right?
When I began asking for help in ways that had nothing to do with money or work my financial floodgate opened, and money & other experiences of profound abundance started pouring in from every direction. And none of it was money I earned for work that I did. It came effortlessly, in very unexpected and ‘miraculous’ ways.
Looking back I can see that I avoided asking for help because subconsciously I was afraid of rejection, shame, humiliation, or made to feel undeserving or selfish (the wounded little girl). But in the middle of it I couldn’t see it. Funny how growth allows us to look back at who we were ‘before’ and receive profound insights about the internal subconscious drivers that were keeping us stuck.
My takeaway from this is that the things that block us affect us in many more areas of our lives than we realize. When we face our challenges, obstacles, fears, and subconscious beliefs our energy becomes freed up in every area where it was blocked by that issue.
What are you going to do now?
As Elizabeth Gilbert recently said, once you know something it’s not possible to un-know it. Once you identify what’s holding you back you can’t go back to living in a way that feels too small, constricted, or even painful. You can’t NOT begin to dismantle the obstacles, reclaim your power and express your purpose.
If you are struggling with something – even if you don’t know (yet) what it is – that’s holding you back from discovering and expressing your purpose, living with passion and abundance, or keeping you hostage to your past – I would be honored to help you identify and dismantle the blocks that are holding you back from living your purpose with passion and prosperity, reclaim your power and embody your purpose.
You are not meant to merely exist. You are meant to thrive – in all areas of your life. Anything less than living your purpose is settling and nothing less will satisfy your soul.
To your freedom,
Live Your Purpose with Passion & Prosperity
Subscribe to our E-mail list and receive tips & insights for living your purpose with passion & prosperity, information about upcoming classes & workshops, and receive a complimentary copy of our E-Book Conscious Living Every Day - a compilation of mindful and meaningful tips, thoughts and exercises intended for your use to enhance your own practice of conscious living.
Thank you for subscribing.
Something went wrong.